Beyond the Honeymoon Phase
Getting a new dog is exciting! Visions of late night netflix and chill with your best furry friend, adventures in the woods, a sweet little furry side kick always by your side dance through most peoples heads. Whether you are getting a puppy or adopting an adult dog the warm fuzzies reign and the first couple of days are blissful and lovely.
But what happens next often throws people for a loop. It is something many people go through post adoption and I never hear anyone talk about it - “temporary adopters remorse”. That moment a week or two in when you suddenly find yourself panicking, “Oh no! What did I do??”. The questions often start to flood into your mind - “Does my dog like me? Is he happy? Am I happy? Will he ever go to the bathroom anywhere other than the living room carpet? Why won’t he walk outside?”…. and on and on… I am here to tell you to take a deep breath, you are not alone and it is going to be ok.
While some adoptions don’t work out and there is NO shame in admitting when it just isn’t a good fit, a lot of the time what is needed is merely time. After the excitement of a new dog dissipates suddenly the reality of living with another species, and individual you know nothing about sets in. That can be overwhelming.
On your dogs end their entire lives have just suddenly been upended and they have no capacity to understand what is happening or why. Your pup is also overwhelmed and probably a little scared. So it is normal for them to be wary of walking down new, busy streets or of the noises outside the apartment door. It’s normal for them to spend a lot of their time being quiet and not really engaging with you, especially for adult dogs and especially in the first week.
So now that we know that this is normal, how do we handle it?
Keep things low key for the first few weeks, maybe even month. What does this mean - keep walks short, minimal visitors, give them the space they need to decompress. Of course you want to snuggle them up and smother them with love but there will be plenty of time for that, right now what your pup likely needs to adjust and feel comfortable is no pressure. This in turn will help smooth the path for a stronger bond between you and your dog.
The above also applies to your pup dealing with the outside world. If you live in an urban area and they have only ever lived in the country, walks and outings may be hard for them for a bit. If they are not comfortable with long walks at first that’s ok. If there are certain areas they seem hesitant to go or they don’t want to interact with a person, don’t panic and don’t push it. If these issues persist beyond the first month or two then it may be worth calling in some professional help but there is a fairly good chance that this is all due to the changes they have just gone through. Given time and with support from you, their new humans these things will improve as they become more comfortable with their new circumstances.
Set them up for success. Frequent potty breaks and not allowing them to have access to the entire house at first even for adult dogs is important. This will allow you to better keep an eye on them to make sure they get outside frequently enough to avoid potty accidents or inappropriate chewing. Starting with smaller spaces will also help your new dog feel more secure.
Setting up a quiet cozy spot that is theirs, some place they can go where they don’t have to worry about being bothered. This can be a crate, or a dog bed tucked into a corner, any place that they can feel safe and secure.
Realistic expectations. This is always true for all human - canine partnerships. We often have a Disney-ized idea of what life with dogs is going to be like, this is unrealistic and unfair to both dog and human. Realize that your dog is an individual, that just because your friends dog handled things one way or that because your last dog never did that does not meant that you can have those same expectations of your new dog right out the gate. You have to see the dog in front of you, really see them and meet them where they are for the best chance of success.
Seek help. Of course whether it’s been two days, two weeks or two months if you feel like you just aren’t sure how to help your dog, you aren’t sure if you are seeing progress seek the help of a qualified professional. Your dog needs your support through all of these changes it’s ok for you to need support too!
So again take a deep breath, it’s going to be ok. It seems like a lot but I promise the journey is worth it!